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recovering undercover over-lover.
28 September 2014 @ 01:32 pm

  • binge @ LUSH

  • drink peppermint mochas like 3 x a week to make up for lost time

  • get a gym membership

  • grocery shop biweekly

  • buy new undies

  • get my eyebrows waxed

  • etc

recovering undercover over-lover.
28 September 2014 @ 12:03 am
Oh God my ex texted me. It's been 2.5 months. I took a bath and was like, "wow, I'm over him because I've stopped searching for him in other people." And here he fucking is. I can't deal. Not now. Not with everything else. I can't. 
recovering undercover over-lover.
26 September 2014 @ 12:10 am
Now all I have to do is make it through the weekend!! And work should be super busy this weekend so I'm hoping tips are equal to last weekend or better. Trying to get my hopes up though, so if they suck I won't be too upset.

Cannot wait to feel like myself again, so close :). 
recovering undercover over-lover.
24 September 2014 @ 12:22 am
5 days!
recovering undercover over-lover.
In the midst of the melodrama that is my life, I am actually letting people in. Not just reminding myself that I need to give people an inch of myself for "when things are better a week from now" but...letting them in now. I still feel like a zombie, but it's nice to talk to friends and just know that I am...deep down, still me. That I haven't ceased being me and will suddenly be me once this cryptic crisis I refuse to do anything more than allude to is over.

I talked to my friend mentioned in the previous post as "cute/nice guy" tonight. We used to talk quite a bit on the phone like every night/every other night, but I've been avoiding him. But we talked for a little bit yesterday and I think I need to talk to people. He told me I sounded like I need a hug and I said, "I do. A million hugs." And we just talked. He told me I could talk to him about anything going on and I know I can, but I just can't this. It's too deeply personal to talk to anyone about other than my mom. But I did mention wanting to lose 50 lbs so I can feel hot again and he went on some rant about girls and weight and told me I was "sexy" and I was like, "I'm not saying I'm not attractive" and he told me, "you don't give yourself credit! It's like saying you're a 6 or something when you're totally hot." It was so guy-like and totally not how I think of myself (in terms of numbers/hot hot and sexy I am but also really sweet. I am smiling.

I just want to feel happy and not stress so much. Not count down to a WEEK FROM TODAY YAY so much. I told him I'd talk to him tomorrow and I meant it. Also might have my friend over so we can watch Gotham + Sleepy Hollow. 
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recovering undercover over-lover.
15 September 2014 @ 04:22 pm
what a glorious day to be alive in america. well, for me.

for the first time in over a month i was able to go grocery shopping. i am still pretty strapped for cash, and my budget was $50. i spent $48.31 and came out under budget :'). today mark's the first time in months i've had 3 "real" meals:

breakfast: turkey sausage + scrambled egg, oj

lunch: italian sweet sausage on whole wheat + mesquite bbq chips.

for dinner i'd like to have beef stew, but i've never made it before and don't want to try alone, so i'll prob just have a tuna melt and chips or pudding, w/ chocolate milk.

so nice. my stomach is kinda like, "wut?" 
recovering undercover over-lover.
11 September 2014 @ 08:40 pm
so many things i wanna do next semester. so many things i would like to get back on track. i can feel the metaphorical wind in my hair as i become the woman i want to be. 
recovering undercover over-lover.
05 September 2014 @ 01:43 am

Fangirls stay checking for Alex Turner, but it's always been Matt Helders for me. I'm a drummer kinda girl.
recovering undercover over-lover.
03 September 2014 @ 12:21 am
recovering undercover over-lover.
27 August 2014 @ 06:56 pm
it's really not hard, to let go and not feel. the act itself is not empowering, but in that moment, in letting go and not feeling, it becomes bearable. even enjoyable.