Log in

recovering undercover over-lover.
30 May 2016 @ 03:55 pm

Me, 2010.
recovering undercover over-lover.
29 May 2016 @ 06:56 pm
I've been extroverting all weekend. Tired and depressed. And bloated. Here's a photo dump...
Read more...Collapse )
recovering undercover over-lover.
17 May 2016 @ 02:14 pm

Loving the skin I'm in more and more each day :)
recovering undercover over-lover.

Rly liked my look last night and had so mch fun having dinner w/ my friend and her burlesque troupe!

gotta put #demthighz behind a cutCollapse )
Current Music: Drake - FeEL no WAyS | Powered by Last.fm
recovering undercover over-lover.
04 May 2016 @ 07:41 pm
I LOOOOOOOOOOVE this photo my friend Charles took of me. It perfectly captures my essence, minus how tragically baggy my jeans are without a belt and everyone knowing my "PINK" underwear came from VS, lol. That's very me too, though. 
Current Music: Drake - Childs PLay | Powered by Last.fm
recovering undercover over-lover.
02 May 2016 @ 07:42 pm
"and i hope i’ll find
to live for, for

stop for a second
take a breath
learn a lesson

staring at the walls for something new"

Today I wrote my *last* paper of the semester. I still have 2 finals to study for, but I'm pretty sure my final grades will be A, A, B. I am pretty stoked. I'm stoked because I had an awesome fucking semester following a terrible, harrowing fucking break up. I lost 27 lbs and feel confident/happy in my body again, I'm consistently lifting weight, making nutritious choices, and truly just "doing me." I had a good fall semester, and thought it was because I was content in being part of a couple. But I did even better this semester, and accomplished so much more for myself. Not only did I do well in school, but I focused on outside interests completely revolving around building and growing me into who I want to be for me. I spent the majority of this semester crying and in a daze, and yet I didn't let it interfere with school work or deciding to get serious about fitness, etc. Sure, there were times I had to work extra hard because I'm sadness would overcome me and I knew I'd have to stop short, but even then, I came out on top.

I'm a fucking boss!!!!!!!
Current Music: Kilo Kish - Fulfillment? | Powered by Last.fm
recovering undercover over-lover.

Current Music: Honne - 3am | Powered by Last.fm
recovering undercover over-lover.
27 April 2016 @ 01:13 am
I wore my first ever "super crop top." i have a crop top that i love, but it's only slightly cropped--so, the front is shorter than the back but nothing is really showing. i had another in the past this is similar. i was super nervous but it looked cute and i hope to wear it again at some point, lol. it's too big on the sides (kinda massively so) and i really should get a size S, i'm too lazy to exchange it but since i'll be done with school after next week, i should have more energy. i think i'll feel less weird when it fits properly.
Current Music: Bright Eyes - Easy/Lucky/Free | Powered by Last.fm
recovering undercover over-lover.
27 April 2016 @ 12:50 am

I'm no longer trying to lose weight. i'm 5'6", 143ish. My body fat is 23%, and my measurements are 32-27-39. i am SUCH a pear. i would like to be a 37.5" in hips, and lose a couple of inches off my thighs (they're 24"...thick thighs do indeed save lives)and get down to 22% BF, but i am proportionate and happy. all of my stats are good, everything on my fitness test was in the fit/excellent category and i am DONE fighting my body. i celebrated today but eating about 3 TBSP of peanut butter featuring a tiny apple. my goal was to get back to a healthy weight, and i realized that in wanting to get to 140, i was still thinking about a magical number that wouldn't make me happy. what is 3-5 lbs when i'm already in a good place?? my original goal was 145 anyway.

i'm excited abt the goals i've set for myself b/c they have NOTHING to do with the scale. i feel free. i'm going to keep lifting 3 days a week (my main focus and bread and butter), doing cardio, eating 1230-1350 cals a day (prob around 1260, when i used to try to stay STRICTLY at 1230 on a bad day), and maintaining my weight. it feels nice to have non-scale goals and truly believe in them :).

so much of my life these past 5 years have been weight focused. i've learned that it's miserable and i forget to be HAPPY. when i was 138 it wasn't thin enough (even though i'm healthier now 5 lbs "heavier" than i was back then, but that's another post!), when i gained 43 lbs i only thought about losing it, and i will not do that to myself again.

i think this is what the outcome should be. developing a healthy relationship to food, self, and body. 
Current Music: The Internet - Girl | Powered by Last.fm
recovering undercover over-lover.
13 April 2016 @ 10:25 am
soooo my old job celebrating its 5th anniversary last weekend. party on saturday: carbs! dinner on sunday: carbs! salt! i bloated to 152 but i am back down to 147.2 and hopefully will be at 146 by this sunday. 145...will i ever see you when not dehydrated or after peeing for 5 mins? but anyway, i just think it's kewl that i know how my body works and know when i'm bloated and signs of bloating (tip: if you weigh the same thing in the morning as you do before bed w/ no fluctuation, it's prob bloat!) and i know i'll get there. i wanted to cry monday lol.